what lurks in the underworld

“what are some of the feeling-toned symptoms of a disrupted relationship with the wildish force in the psyche? … feeling extraordinarily dry, fatigued, frail, depressed, confused, gagged, muzzled, unaroused. Feeling frightened, halt of weak, without inspiration, without animation, without soulfulness, without meaning, shame-bearing, chronically fuming, volatile, stuck, uncreative, compressed, crazed. Feeling powerless, chronically doubtful, shaky, blocked, unable to follow through, giving one’s creative life over to others, life-sapping choices in mates, work or friendships, suffering to live outside one’s own cycles, overprotective of self, inert, uncertain, faltering, inability to pace oneself or set limits… drawn far into domesticity, intellectualism, work, or inertia because that is the safest place for one who has lost her instincts.” - from "Women Who Run With The Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

there’s nothing like shame and self denigration to send our wildish exuberant vibrant force away. shame that i am not enough as i am, shame for wanting more but believing it’s not attainable, shame that invokes thoughts like  ‘i should not feel this way’ ‘i should be grateful’ ‘i should try harder to be better’

what if all that “evil” nasty seething jealous spiteful hissing degenerate depressed fomo-ing clenching assholey competitive rageful destructive, all the stuff that lurks in the realm of our Underworld, our lower chakras, what we would rather deny exists within ourselves and condemn seeing in the world, could be blessed with our presence to own it, honor it as a part of ourselves, and relish in it. that you are the whole wide spectrum from the vilest to the most holy.  there’s just a lot of creative power there, in the lower energy center, so that’s gaining a whoooole lot of self power real estate for yourself in pivoting and repositioning yourself look upon your wildish dark crawly twisted messy unconscious realm with curiosity and pleasure. next time you are triggered, try meditating on finding your sweet spot in it, the place that lies between where you’re neither too ‘above’ it to feel it or drowning ‘under’ its spell, but to actually tap into your inner source of creation itself: where pure creative energy is generated.

to expand your allowing to accommodate those aspects. and to ask yourself what new idea new feeling or way of being wants to be birthed through me? is there a new creative outlet to bring into form these impulses and visions? is it time to create a new pathway to explore, physicalize messages from the deep, the wildish force create with the energy that arises from your depths of your being. 

also to ask, what scares you? what do you want? they are intimately connected. i believe those inner ‘demons’  are the gatekeepers to your Next Level wonderland, it would do well to befriend them, just like you want to be on good terms with the bouncers to da club. form amiable relations to the bouncers (who are actually you) so you gain access to the club where all your dreams come true, because you need to dance.