Emotional isolation: the lonely upside down place

my version of the upside down place is the feeling that no one could possibly reach me where i am - i tripped upside down here when i got scared that you might not like me as i am. sometimes the loneliest feeling can arise in the presence of being around people you feel you can't truly be yourself with.

when you feel like you have to put up a mask and deny what you're really thinking and feeling, that's a painful state to exist in. it's painful to inhabit a reality that's its own separate invisible place unacknowledged by the people around you.  
 
no one wants to feel this kind of existential loneliness yet you & i do. the simple antidote would be connection. everyone needs connection yet we’re afraid of it. 

when i’m afraid to let you see me as i am,  when i don't have the language to speak my invisible place into existence for myself, i will undoubtedly feel insane questioning my own existence, validity, and belonging here. 

i can understand why anyone would retreat to the upside down place - it was created out of hurt, to protect you from that happening again. a place where no one can see you, hear you, find you - is safe from the terror of rejection. 

1. we need safe connection to heal loneliness. safe connection to me means you're willing to be authentic and vulnerable sharing your hidden emotions to someone, feel accepted and received.  
2. let yourself be brave and share how you truly feel to someone. this 'you' can start with your very own self. when i didn't feel safe sharing my secret feelings with a human, i first allowed myself to try to articulate it into my journal. you can also start a conversation with a tree, a flower, the ground, your pet. you can work with a therapist, or me!, to help you access and heal underlying issues
3.  adopt a pet! cuddling an animal can greatly reduce stress, anxiety, and provide a wonderful source of companionship, especially if you're dealing with abandonment trauma
4. write letters to a pen pal. writing to someone can help you make sense of your current state of being, and give you an outlet to express yourself. it can also offer a comforting sense of anticipation and response.
5. ask yourself how can you help someone feel less alone? this is an important life hack: to give what you need. the very act of giving something you're seeking and needing yourself creates the meeting of needs for both sides!
6. interrupt your daily routine, and try something new. visit a new place, attend a meetup for something that interests you, try changing it up and you could be surprised what happens when you follow your natural desire to do something you normally wouldn't do.
7. practice self-compassion and kindness, recognize that loneliness is a massive epidemic here because of the ways we've been conditioned by our families and society to shame, reject, and disown our internal emotional truths in order to present a different image to the world in order to belong. this is the false conditional  belonging we're needing to unlearn to create true belonging. remember that it's not your fault you weren't taught how to have actually truly safe, secure unconditional loving relationships. 

 if you feel like that's what you're lacking now, it probably means you didn't receive this growing up. but the good news is that this is learnable. inside the deepest darkness of loneliness what you're simultaneously birthing is the desire for true real rich connection. this desire can only be known from the lack. so trust that you're experiencing this for a reason, and the reason is because we're all here on earth learning to have what we want through contrast. 
 
love,

kwonyin